I want to be a work of art.

Will not come back for the next 10 days at least.

I AM CMI CARINA CHUNG. DIE ALR. DIE.

DIE DIE DIE.

FREAK.

Feeling hopless, lost, shit im sinking. 

Hopefully this is just for now.

Newsflash

How cute.

I will do some self encouragement here: Don't ever let yourself feel the same way like you did when you got your CL marks back.

-OR-

Promise yourself you'll get the same joy and happiness you did when you got back your CL marks. (NA for me.)

Guess what i found

Cool!

Seems like a thousand years ago...

We need to laugh more in class please. Or i will go mad.

I feel scared. Very scared.

I desperately wish i was 25 i want to go to orchard ion with $$ and i want my own house.

Gah, i wonder why im studying. I see undergrads being effing rich, and people who study go to good schools, are middle class.

Ok, freaking unhealthy. Isnt there a  more unconventional way to be rich.

Suck man. Life sucks. I WANT MY OWN HOUSE. PFT.

This is what i do to unmotivate myself. Wonder why im not rich.

I think my evil twin is coming back. Lol.

Then again, just thinking about how much fun i will have from november 13 onwards, makes me just want everyone to work and do well. So we can actually have confidence after our papers, and fun after our hardwork. How amazing is that? That will be my prayer for the next 

111 days. 13 NOVEMBER. Who cares if it is friday the thirteenth? It would be a blessed one for everyone.

For the Prettiest Friend

Napfa was tiring. Damn tiring. I feel my muscles aching now. Crap.

Unfit to the max. Hahaha. Thankfully everything was ok, left 2.4km run, or rather walk.

I hate 2.4km. The new route sucks btw. Grr.

But its better than the old route by... 2% because its like only 4 rounds. I bet all a long they were making us run more than 2.4km. For sure.

I think people should not be so judgmental. I will amend my ways from today.

No more judgements. No more.

What goes around comes around, I don't want people to slap curses on me or my life/future etc. So i will not judge. 

I think there is something really wrong with me. No one knows, and no one will. How?

Im sucha screwed shit at times. Lol, alliteration. 

I WANT TO EAT CURRYPUFF. I TOTALLY LOOK LIKE A CURRY PUFF GIRL PLEASE, I LOOK LIKE A CURRY PUFF. BIG STOMACH. LOL.

Ray Of Hope

I've been wicked and wild and wrong 

and i've wondered the price of my shame.

I've been hiding my face for so long, 

it's a wonder that you know my name

All shows are starting in fall.

I cannot caaaaannnooootttt wait till after O levels. I'll sit infront of my computer for 24 hours straight to watch shows.

Hopefully i don't die. Hahaha.

Im so happy we had school off today. Finally feeling a teeensy wee accomplished.

No more accomplished feeling, now i feel unaccomplished. To the bone.

PS: I want to be a Casino/Hotel Manager! I have an ambition now. Or or, i can be like some financial advisor/Relationship Manager.

I grew a new mole :/ Gross.

X

Something so beautiful, flowing down like a waterfall.

I want a Toy Poodle.

I'll live by myself in a rented studio apartment the moment i start working.

(Thats because penthouse rentals are super freaking ex!)

Number Ninety Nine

Hi. IM SPENDING MONEY UNNECESSARILY. BAD.


OKAY.

WILL SCARE MYSELF WITH NUMBERS.
99. NINETY-NINE. JIU SHI JIU. YES.


Everytime i read my diary im tempted to burn it. Or rather throw it down the rubbish bin. Literally. Its that bad.

THAT BAD OKAY.

I wish memories could be kept and revisited as many times as i want, and i'll keep all the good ones. Keep them in bottles like they do in Harry Potter.
I want to go to Hogwarts.

Everytime i watch the two videos below i feel warmth and like i can hear my heartbeat. Cool.

Ok bye.

For the next 100 days

Please please carina please. Don't screw up this part of your life, its the only ONLY unscrewed part you have. 

I'll be nothing if even this screws up, it sets me up for great disappointments or immense satisfaction. Either way, its baggage. A whole lot of it.

Dedications

I'll be there for you through it all.

I cannot cry, because i know that weakness in your eyes



Emm called and told me she saw eyecandy at parkway, she exclaimed and immediately called me.
I SCREAMED OVER THE PHONE.
OMG. HAHAHAH. I WISH ODELIA HAD SEEN HIS FACE AND SAID HE IS CUTE.
HAIS. NEVERMIND. NEXT NEXT TIME.

The Letter with more than words

Finally getting a saturday free of stuff and im not using it.

Damn it. Damn. This whole week has been the most unproductive week of the entire year for me. Totally. Im struggling to complete HOMEWORK. Who ever does that.

If i don't complete homework, i dont start on revision for other things.

Now i think im going to screw prelims up.

Always the same cycle, always not focus. White hair growing at a fast rate.

Im such a piece of shit.

5 items on thursday. Sigh.

I prefer the new 2.4 route even though its STILL 2.4km.

MUST STOP LOGGING ON TO FOREVER 21 OR LIKE URBAN OUTFITTERS OR TOPSHOP OR BLUEFLY. GAH! 

MUST STOP GOING TO GOSSIPGIRLINSIDER.COM AND MUST MUST MUST STOP WATCHING MTV SHOWS. GOODNESS.

DAMN ME DAMN ME DAMN ME DAMN ME.

Funhouse

Fun day, we'll have more fun times after O levels.

Soon soon, lets all just work hard for prelims. For O levels, and live with no regrets.

Im going to start trying to make best days ahead. Make everyday the best day.

Oh, eye candy today... Hahah :] I always find some guys cute, all the same kind. What to do?

Odelia says i seldom say a guy is cute. I do think they are cute, just dont say only.

Ok next time i see i tell you all lah :]

hahahahha.

XXX.

Battlefield

I never meant to start a war.

MUST MUST MUST STUDY. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME.

WHY WHY WHY.

NEED SOMETHING SHOCKING TO HAPPEN.

LIKE SOMEONE USE A TAESER AND JOLT ME TO MY SENSES PLEASE.

"I will never let you down"

I wish PEOPLE mean this. I never am able to keep this promise to myself. 'Till the day i meet someone who stick by this promise, i don't believe mortals can stay eternally loyal.

PIMP FACE

I HAD A SUDDEN BREAKOUT.

MUST BE DUE TO ALL THE TEACHERS. CARINA SHUT UP CARINA SHUT UP.

BLOODY HELL. FROM NOW ON I CANT EVEN PUT UPMY FRINGE.

I HAVE LIKE MORE THAN 20 PIMPLES ON MY FOREHEAD. JUST FOREHEAD.

WTH.

BECAUSE OF TOO MUCH HW. O LVLS AND TEACHERS.

WHY CANT I LOSE WEIGHT BECAUSE OF ALL THESE, WHY MUST POP PIMPLES? IDIOT.

IDIOT IDIOT IDIOT.

These broken lines will connect again

I can be such a screw up sometimes.

Yesterday was good. Im screwing up. Better catch myself before i fall too deep. Damn it.

Pastor ".... gave a hundred roses to his girlfriend."

Me "Wow! So cool."

Charmaine "But you want a thousand."

Me "Yeah i want a garden! Heehee"

Sometimes i wonder why i had to be like that. Oh well.

Shocked expressions from Char and Siow ystd made me say a lot lesser. Someday. i'll tell people more stuff. Someday! 8)

Wait for you is such a good song. It always makes me a little sad. Everytime i listen to it.

Its lacking strings of words

I got sashimi and sushi :]

FINALLY.

I am self destructing.

I can be so annoyed with myself sometimes. Why am i always like that?! Damn it.

Complacent maybe. I don't like to be called that, but somehow i feel that word is so suitable for me. Pft. No matter how whine how i complain about me to me, i will just go on life like that.

Totally on the road of self-destruction. 

English : A (2 or 1 both i also happy)
H.chinese: PASS :D
Math : A1
Science: A2
History : A2/B3
Lit: A2/B3
Geog: B3

This was my goal in like sec2. Obviously i didnt attain ANY of it. Lol. Except science. I got A1 :O and i passed chinese. Oh and i got A for geog. Thats abt it. Lol!

Sec2... Hmm.

I use to blog really long post, with multiple blinding colours and pictures. And as the years past, my post gets shorter and shorter. Not that its a bad thing.

I use to blog likeeeee thisssss. To express my excitement. And i think everyone must have had a hard time reading. Haha! 

I use to blog in rhymes. And swear in every sentence. Not that i don't swear now, but i obviously swear a lot lesser. I use to be disgustingly infatuated thinking it was love. And dealing with worthless problems. Im so glad im me for now.

Lol, reading archives can evoke totally opposite emotions.

Sometimes i wonder if i'll see some people on the streets or anything. But i don't. Thankfully. I don't have such fate. Its good actually. BUT, it would be cool if  i saw just 1 teacher on the streets. I always get a good laugh at Odelia's accidental encounters. Haha!

I will attempt to save myself now. Self motivation instead of self destruction.

Watched Ep 20-23 or BOF AGAIN. FOR THE UMPTEENTH TIME.

Whisper's hello I miss you, I miss you

XXX.

 :)

I forgot this blog existed hahaha! Have been bugging Odelia and Emmeline and everyone else with me "I want to eat sushi" and "Sashimiiiii!!" all day long...

I told my mum to buy sashimi for me.

But she said the stall was closed :( I think i will get slapped if i go "I want to eat sushi" or "Odelia can you bring sushi tmr?" HAHAHA.

Okay, Saturday 8) , Tuesday :( , Thursday :D. Right.

Marlon Teixeira is my favourite model for now!!

I WILL NOT GO ON TO GOSSIPGIRLINSIDERS.COM SO THAT I DONT FEEL THE URGE TO WATCH GOSSIP GIRL FROM SEASON1.

Hmm?

Today i was a whiny ass.

I was making too much noise during class, i was talking to much.

I was laughing i contributed to noise pollution.

Tomorrow i'll be a quiet mouse.

I'll conserve energy. Idk why.

Im singing its a small world after all. Today is a really wierd day for me. Extremely unusal.

Revolting History

I always go to my archives when i have positively nothing to do.

Thankfully i deleted my archives from like primary school to sec1. I cannot imagine what kind of person i was.

So scary. Really. I was reading my archives from 2007-2008. Terrifying. I take really long to read my archives, i blogged really horribly in the past. Grammatical errors everywhere. Yes, i still have a very lousy standard of english. So imagine what i was like then.

My archives never fail to haunt me. And that is partly the reason why i don't want to delete it. 

Was i a really terrible person in the past? Like a total bitch and disgusting person to be friends with? Im really thankful i had Jesslyn and Jocelyn and Livia as close friends. Also Odelia and Emmeline. Honestly. I was so... different. By reading my archives and stuff, i never want to be friends with the person i was back then. 

I know im still the same. Or pretty much the same, there are aspects of my life that have changed. A lot. 

I never get that "escalating heartbeat" feeling from reading my past archives of this year or like end last year. I swear three quaters of 2006 and 2007 should just disappear from my memory. Goodness.

Thats why im thankful these people stayed friends with me. Oh yes, not forgetting Denyse the great :) Though we are not as close now, even with Jocelyn and Livia and Jess, i really am grateful these people are in my life. From the bottom of my heart. And i still have my bitch moments now, and thankfully Emmeline and Odelia always tolerate. 

I thank God for these people in my life. 

I love Siow and Char and Sher too, but this section of my life, i think only Siow was partially involved. Haha!

Every aching wound will cauterize and bruise
In memory of what we used to call in love

I know, this song was on Gossip girl.
I miss Gossip Girl. It was an outlet that allowed me to partially escape from reality. Though Blair and Serena don't have the greatest life, they have each other.

Thats really cool. Its very heartwarming. Yes i would not not not get started on Chuck and Blair. h

Hahaha.

I wonder if the sextape rumours are true... hopefully not. but whatever, all celebrities are quite screwed in one way or another. I still like Leighton.

I have secrets. Sometimes i wonder if im like a wierd person. If i appear unusual to people. Goodness.

Rollercoaster Ride

Yesterday, I told myself: "From now you will start to lose your cellulite and be a vegetarian."

And ate chicken rice during lunch.

Today, I had Sakae after church with a few church people. And i gave tuiton a miss.

My nose is killing me, its like an open tap. No air con for me tonight :(

Im wondering when the medicine will kick in.

Wasted day. Whats new right? What can i do? 

Fall straight into depression.

Bored.

You'll always be my thunder.

Uh oh.

Can you fill this out without lying?

I shall try.

What was the last thing you put in your mouth?

Ice Lemon Tea + Sprite

Have you ever kissed anyone named Matthew?

Noooo.

Where was your default picture taken?

A long long time ago.

Last person you rode in a car with under the age of 20.

Err... ISAAC AND ZARA MAYBE?

Can you play guitar hero?

YEAHHHHH!!

Name someone that made you laugh today?

HMM, Emmeline, Mrs Khoo, Odelia, Zara.

How late did you stay up last night and why?

11+? HOMEWORK.

If you could move somewhere else, would you?

Yes of course.

Ever been kissed under fireworks?

I wish wish wish.

Which of your friends lives closest to you?

I think Chewan. If she hasnt shifted. 

I can walk to her house.

Do you believe ex's can be friends?

Yeah, But not in every case, some of them can be, some just cannot.

Calling or texting?

Im fine with both, but calling would be cooler.

How do you feel about dr pepper?

Nothing maybe.

When was the last time you cried really hard?

Oh. 3 years ago.

Where are you right now?

My bedroom.

What bed did you sleep in last night?

My own bed...

What was the last thing someone bought for you?

MCWINGS. FATS.

Who took your profile picture?

Err myself.

Who was the last person you took a picture of?

Hmmm... I dont remember, honestly.

Was yesterday better than today?

No.

Can you live a day without TV?

Yeah.

Are you mad about anything?

Mad? KIM  BUM. BECAUSE I JUST WATCHED BOF EPISODE 1 AND SCREAMMMMMED.

Do you think relationships are ever really worth it?

Of course.

When was the last time you were extremely disappointed?

Hmm. Likeeee... within this year. Early this year.

Are you a bad influence?

HOPEFULLY NOT.

Night out or night in?

Night out with friends. Night in by myself.

What items could you not go without during the day?

Myself.

Would you share a drink with a stranger?

Err. H1N1. UNLIKELY.

Who was the last person you visited in the hospital?

Grandfather i think. A long time ago.

What does the last message in your inbox say?

Sorry i cant go online tonight, .... (its way to long), talk to you tmr k?

What do you feel now about your life?

Mixed.

Do you hate anyone?

No.

If we were to look in your inbox, what would we find?

SMS-ES FROM MY FRIENDS?!

Can you easily tell if someones fake?

Sometimes.

Say you were given a drug test right now, would you pass?

I don't take drugs.

Has anyone ever called you perfect before?

No. SADLY.

What song is stuck in your head?

Crazier. I wonder why.

Someone knocks on your window at 2am, who do you want it to be?

No one thanks, dont wake me up at 2am.

Wanna have kids before you’re 30?

OF COURSE. For now i think like that.

Name something you have to do tomorrow?

Homework.

Can you whistle?

Yeah.

Do you sleep on your side, stomach, or back?

Side.

Do you think too much or too little?

Too much and too little.

Do you smile a lot?

I think i do, most people say i don't.

Who was your last missed call on your Mobile phone?

A number i don't recognise.

Whens the next time you will see the person you like?

THE PERSON I LIKE NOW? NEVER AGAIN? SIGH SIGH SIGH.

Are you happy with your life?

At times.

Can you handle the truth?

Yeah, more or less.

What was the last book you read?

Geography.

Do you hate the last guy you had a conversation with?

No. I have a brother i converse with all the time.

Is there something you always wear?

Always? No.

What were you doing 30 minutes ago?

Watching BOF.

Honestly, who was the last person to tell you that they love you?

HMMMMMM.... I DONT REMEMBER. NO ONE HAS TOLD ME "I LOVE YOU" IN AGES.

Oh wait. Dad. In an EMAIL. He said, Love, daddy.

Did you have an exciting time last weekend?

YEAH. GOING TO TUITION AND REALISING THERE WAS NO CLASS.

Have you ever crawled through a window?

No.

Are you wearing a necklace?

No.

Are you an emotional person?

I don't really think so. There are certain things that get to me though.

What's something that can always make you feel better?

So far, there is nothing. Maybe my forgetfulness.

Will this weekend be a good one:

I doubt, hopefully it'll be.

What do you want right now?

EVERYONE TO GO TO THE SAME JC AND GET THE SAME L1R5...

Have you ever worn the opposite sex's clothing?

Ya.

Look behind you, what do you see?

WALL.

Have you ever worked in a food place?

Nope.

What would you name your future daughter?

Agnercial - sounds like a country. Fine, She can be Gardenia.

Any summer plans for 2009?

SUMMER HAS COME AND GONE.

Whats on your schedule for tomorrow?

Homework. Computer. Housewarming.

Does anyone know your facebook password?

ME.

But if you only knew me, we could be a miracle, unbelievable, instead of just invisible.